Philosophy professor Vance Charlton took particular pleasure in hazing his first-year seminar students with his voice-throwing skills. Nothing lightened the mood of a terse meeting to discuss revisions to a mediocre essay than hearing Aristotle opine from the other side of the office, “it is possible to fail in many ways… and you found about six of them, idiot!”

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It took Millie Baker’s nana almost two years of saving on her maid’s salary, but she was finally able to buy that microscope in the window at the drugstore for a Christmas gift. When Hiram asked what that little girl was going to do with a microscope, Nana said, “she’s goin’ to college, mor’n your lunkhead son is gonna do!” Millie went on to be the first girl to win the county science fair, was valedictorian of the high school, and earned a doctorate in biochemistry. Hiram’s son Jesse is still running the drugstore.

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Tío Alphonse really wanted his spot on the ofrenda to be something special.

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Contrary to popular belief, the "Friday Eff-Its" are not an innovation of 21st century workplace ennui.

This bell was once used by monks to summon the dragon Hutong, a beast whose breath is like a monsoon, to defend against an invading army. Dragons are not so easily tamed, however, and Hutong ended up destroying the monastery as well.